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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22516885">countdown, a.k.a. prelude to a smooch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Background Relationships, Cameos, Crack, Darcy Lewis-centric, F/F, Femslash February 2020, New Year's Eve, Not Canon Compliant, Useless Lesbians</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:33:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,164</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22516885</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein everyone thinks that Darcy and Jane are together, except for Darcy and Jane.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jane Foster/Darcy Lewis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>countdown, a.k.a. prelude to a smooch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>december 31st, sixty one minutes to midnight</b>
</p><p><em> This is where the magic happens, </em> Darcy thought. </p><p>And we're not talking Disneyland magic here - we're talking honest to God, real-ass sorcery.</p><p>This is where the weapons of heroes are forged. This is where history is made. This is where Darcy realises that her internal monologue is just a bit more melodramatic than usual, and wonders if Steve's speeches are rubbing off on her. </p><p>This is the top floor of Avengers HQ. And right now, this is where Earth's mightiest heroes are getting totally, absolutely, unabashedly shitfaced. </p><p>Darcy laughed as she threw back a shot. How bananas was her life? Seemed like five minutes ago she was schlepping through Intro to Political Science, and now, here she was. Ringing in the new year with literal, actual superheroes. Dudes who could fly. Dudes who wore <em>capes</em>. Dudes who were, at the moment, having some kind of drunk argument about quantum entanglement. (Christ, scientists were so weird sometimes.) Jane was downstairs playing Cranium with Doctor Strange or something like that, so Darcy was left to interpret the technobabble all by herself. </p><p>"The cosmos," Tony slurred, "is like a...like a...wasserface?" He gestured vaguely with what appeared to be an Erlenmeyer flask filled with champagne. Bruce, after narrowly avoiding being sloshed with Dom Perignon, threw a hopeless look in Darcy's direction.</p><p>"A puzzle?" Darcy offered. </p><p>"No, not one of those." Tony frowned and folded his arms, biting his lower lip like a frustrated toddler. The invincible Iron Man was, apparently, something of a bratty drunk. </p><p>"The cosmos is an adventure!" Thor said brightly. Darcy was surprised that he was even paying attention to Tony and Bruce's conversation. Hitherto this point in the evening he had been educating a now petrified Peter Parker on the finer points of Viking sex rites.</p><p>"The cosmos is a terrifying place," Peter said, wishing he was old enough to drink. </p><p>"No!" Tony slumped back in his chair. "Wrong, wrong...all wrong." Suddenly, a huge, goofy smile broke out across his face. "The cosmos," he said triumphantly, "is a woman."</p><p>Bruce blinked.</p><p>"Okay," he said, cautiously. "Sure, the cosmos is a woman."</p><p>"Mysterious, sexy lady. Great legs. Real emf...mef...efm...<em> femme </em>fatale,” Tony said. </p><p>“Just to clarify: we <em>are </em>still talking about the <em>cosmos</em>, right? Stars and nebulas and all that?” </p><p>Tony ignored Bruce and steamrolled right ahead. “It’s like a trap, see, you get sucked in and you want to know all about her, and you fall in love with her, and it <em>sucks </em>because guess what? You’re never gonna figure her out no matter what.” After finishing his monologue, he winked at no one in particular and promptly passed out. </p><p>“Is he dead?” Peter asked, pressing his ear to Tony’s chest.</p><p><em> These are the people protecting our entire planet from total annihilation</em>, Darcy thought, and took another shot. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>december 31st, fifty four minutes to midnight</b>
</p><p>“Holy shit,” Tony said, apropos of nothing. “What’s taking the delivery guy so long? The app said he would be here in an hour, and by my estimate, we’ve been waiting for, uh, eight days? I mean I’m pretty sure I was clean-shaven when I placed the order. And now?” He pointed at his face. “Beard.” </p><p>“I don’t think you were ever clean-shaven.” Darcy snorted. “I think that you were born with that stupid-ass goatee.”</p><p>“Language!” Cap put his hands on his hips and gave Darcy his best I’m-not-mad-I’m-just-disappointed face. It was a testament to Steve’s...Steveness...that he managed to look stern even while sitting on the floor, braiding his boyfriend’s hair. </p><p>Bucky, for his part, shook his head in mock dismay and tutted. “Kids these days, Stevie. No sense of respect for their elders.” </p><p>Darcy blew him a kiss and flipped him the bird. </p><p>“All I wanted was some shawarma.” Tony continued. “Is that so much to ask for? It only took God eight days to make the Earth. What’s Mister Delivery Man’s excuse, huh?” </p><p>“Seven days,” Darcy corrected.</p><p>“I never paid attention in Catholic school.”</p><p>“<em>You </em> went to Catholic school?”</p><p>“What the fuck is shawarma?”</p><p>“Buck! Language!”</p><p>“Weren’t you in the army, Cap?” Darcy flopped down on the floor next to the two supersoldiers. “How can you possibly be offended by someone saying ‘fuck’?”</p><p>“It’s the principle of the thi-” Bucky clamped his hand over Steve’s mouth.</p><p>“Actually,” he said, “All that’s just part of his grumpy old man schtick. Same reason why he pretends to be clueless about technology. Once I saw him try to convince Peter he didn’t know how to use a toaster. We had toasters in the ’40s, Steve. You know what a toaster is.” </p><p>“Ah, yes. The old I-don’t-understand-toasters charade.” Tony said, startling Darcy. He hadn’t been talking, so she had assumed that he was asleep. Or dead. “Thor used to pull that shit all the time.”</p><p>“Oh yeah!” Darcy straightened her back and puffed out her chest, performing her best Big Thunder impression. “Forsooth, I doth not knoweth what this toasting machine is, even though I am a literal god and also I flew a spaceship once.” She giggled. “It used to drive Jane crazy.”</p><p>“Hey, how is Jane, anyways?” Tony said. “I haven’t seen her all night.”</p><p>Darcy shrugged. “Not sure. Haven’t seen her tonight either.” </p><p>“You should keep better track of your girlfriend.”</p><p>For once in her life, Darcy was speechless. “Jane isn’t, um,  she’s my friend, you know, we’re not dating...” She trailed off, suddenly fascinated with the ankle strap of her heels. </p><p>“Oh,” Tony said. He cocked his head, tilted his chin forward like he was trying to solve a particularly twisty logic puzzle. “Why not? You should be.” </p><p>Darcy made a sputtering noise that was only extremely unflattering.</p><p>“Because I don’t <em>like </em>Jane? I mean, I like her, she’s my best friend, but I don’t like-like her.” She could feel herself blushing. “Jane isn’t my type, if you catch my drift.” </p><p>“Ah, I get it.” Tony waggled his eyebrows. “Not into short girls. We can work with that. I’m pretty sure Jessica Jones is single -- she’s like twelve feet tall. And I’m pretty sure she’s a lesbian because of her, you know, everything.” </p><p>“That is <em> so </em>not what I meant.” </p><p>To Steve’s credit, he did make an attempt to stop Tony from meddling in Darcy’s love life.</p><p>“C’mon, Tony.” He said, employing a tone of voice typically reserved for addressing miscreant children. “Stop teasing Darcy. Jane is with Thor, anyhow.”</p><p>“Nope! Not anymore. Thor is with that girl with the horse.”</p><p>Bucky raised his hand.</p><p>“Questions, Barnes?” </p><p>“I thought Thor was with Bruce?” </p><p>Tony frowned. “I have literally been married to Bruce since 2012.” </p><p>Now it was Steve’s turn to frown. “Aren’t you married to Pepper? I’m pretty sure I was the best man at your wedding. When you got married. To Pepper.” </p><p>“No, that was a different Tony.”</p><p>“A different Tony?”</p><p>“Yeah, remember when that thing happened with the rocks and the multiverse went all wonky?” </p><p>“It must have slipped my mind.”</p><p>“Typical old man. Anyways, I’m 80% sure that Pepper is engaged to Nat.” </p><p>“Wait,” Bucky said slowly. “I thought Nat was sleeping with Clint.”</p><p>“Isn’t Clint dating a Catholic ninja? Didn’t they meet in a dumpster?” </p><p>“Probably. That’s on-brand for Clint.” </p><p>“I’m going downstairs to see if there are any canapes left,” Darcy announced loudly. She rarely passed up an opportunity to gossip about her friends’ romantic entanglements, but tonight she just wasn’t feeling it. Careful not to trip over her heels, Darcy stood up and wobbled towards the elevator.</p><p>“If you happen to see Jane,” Tony said, “tell her I said hi.” </p><p>The metallic doors slid shut before Darcy had enough time to spit out so much as a “Fuck off, Stark.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>six months ago </b>
</p><p>
  <em> "You're being majorly overkill. It's just a scratch."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jane shot Darcy a look and continued bandaging her leg. </em>
</p><p><em> "A scratch," Jane said calmly, "is when you find out the hard way that your neighbour's cat isn't as friendly as you thought she was. </em> You <em> got bitten trying to pet a hellhound." </em></p><p>
  <em> "In my defence, he was adorable. And how was I supposed to know he was a hellhound?"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "The three heads might have tipped you off." Jane let a small smile inch across her face. "It looks like you're fine, for now. At the very least, you're not going to bleed out overnight. Call me right away if it doesn't heal up within a week, or starts oozing." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Gross. Really didn't need that visual." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jane bit her lip. "Seriously, Darce. You should be more careful next time...I worry about you." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> For some ungodly reason, Darcy felt a flush creeping up her neck. Which was ridiculous, because Darcy never blushed. (Not even that time in the ninth grade when her shirt popped open during the Spring Concert and everyone and their bubbe saw her boobs.)  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was only half-dressed. Darcy had begrudgingly taken off her jeans so that Jane could get a better look at the bite, and now she was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and her Hello Kitty boyshorts. All of a sudden she became very aware of the fact that the good doctor's hand was still on her leg. They were sitting so close together that Darcy could hear the steady in-out, in-out of Jane's breathing. Did Jane always have that little mole on her cheek? She had never noticed before. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Well," Jane cleared her throat. "I have some artefacts that need indexing. I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay Darce?" She began packing up her supplies and heading for the door.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Wait!" Darcy called out. She stuck out her leg and pointed to the bandaged wound. "Kiss it better?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jane threw a smile over her shoulder. "In your dreams," she said.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>december 31st, thirty two  minutes to midnight</b>
</p><p>“I’m not into her. I’m not.” Darcy said in what she hoped was a firm voice. </p><p>“I like her as a <em>friend.</em> F-R-I-E-N-D.”</p><p> “Sure, she’s pretty. Anyone can see that, though -- just because I realise an objectively pretty person is pretty doesn’t mean I want to bone her, right?”</p><p>“And yeah, she’s smart and funny, and strong, and brave, and she likes the same stupid reality TV shows as me and she learned how to make fried pierogis just because I told her that they were my favourite food ever.”</p><p>“But if I fell in love with every adorable quantum physicist who batted her eyelashes at me, where would I be then, huh? I’d be even more of a mess than I am already.”</p><p>“Also, I’m totally straight. So it could never happen.” She said pointedly.</p><p>Despite being an android, Vision still managed to look uncomfortable.</p><p>“I believe I hear Wanda calling me. Telepathically, as it were. Excuse me.” He didn’t give her a chance to reply before melting into the floor. </p><p>Darcy wished she could do the same. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>four months earlier</b>
</p><p>
  <em> A petite brunette was rapidly advancing towards Jane and Darcy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Doctor Foster!" Brunette Lady waved cheerfully. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jane froze. "Jemma," she sputtered out. "Hi." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> If the other woman - Jemma, apparently - noticed anything strange about Jane's demeanour, she didn't mention it. "So great to see you again. We don't get too many visitors up here." She smiled, then tilted her head."What brings you to S.H.I.E.L.D's storage facilities? I thought you were in London."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Well," Jane started, "I'm...I'm, uh..."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Darcy stepped forward, praying that the ancestral Lewis bullshitting abilities would see her through one last time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "She's writing a paper on transient optomechanical phenomena related to optomechanical light storage as it pertains to artefacts of cosmic and or quote-unquote 'divine' origins, and we're hoping to get our grubby little paws on some Asgardian tech." Noticing the blank look on Jemma's face, Darcy extended her hand. "Darcy Lewis. I don't think we've been introduced. I'm the intern." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jemma shook her hand politely and said, "Pleased to meet you. I'm Jemma Simmons. If you’re looking for Asgardian technology, you’re on the wrong floor. But everything we’ve collected from the Cult of Khonshu is in the room with the white door just down the hall - that may be helpful.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Cult of Khonshu, huh? How’d you get your hands on tha -” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Thanks so much for your help, Jemma.” Jane interrupted. “We really ought to be on our way now. Ancient Egyptian artefacts wait for no one.” With that, she grabbed Darcy’s elbow and continued hustling down the hallway.  As soon as Jemma was out of earshot, Jane hissed into Darcy’s ear, “This is ridiculous. How did you talk me into skulking around a warehouse looking for your iPod?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I batted my eyelashes and asked nicely?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I swear to God, Darcy, sometimes you just - Wait. Do you hear that?” Jane paused. “I think someone’s coming.” And sure enough, as soon as the words left her mouth, Darcy heard the tell-tale sound of boots clicking on the floor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Quick!” Darcy said. “In here!” She pulled the two of them into what appeared to be an equipment closet and shut the door as quietly as she could manage.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> In hindsight, it was not the best idea that Darcy had ever had. Jane had Level 7 Clearance, so there was no need for them to hide. But at the time (“the time” being four seconds ago) ducking into a dark closet seemed preferable to stumbling through another conversation with one of Jane’s science buddies. Regardless, they were here now. And it was one hell of a tight squeeze. They were so close together, in fact, that when Darcy tried to brush a lock of hair out of her eyes she ended up elbowing Jane in the face.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Holy fuck,” Darcy whispered. “I am so, so, so so sorry. Here, let me take a look.” She inched closer, cupping Jane’s cheek, trying to assess the damage in the dim light of the closet. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If I end up needing stitches, you’re never going to hear the end of it. Hey, don’t boop my nose, that tickles!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m not ‘booping’ your nose. I’m tapping it to assess the remaining structural integrity. Please, Jane, try to be professional.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jane tried and failed to stifle a giggle, and Darcy couldn’t help but smile too. “Seriously, Darce. What are we doing here? Let’s get out of here. I’ll drive you to the mall and buy you another iPod if it means no more sneaking.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Darcy’s eyes popped wide open. “For real?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “For real.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh my God, you are the best boss-slash-friend I’ve ever had!” Without thinking, Darcy flung her arms around Jane’s tiny frame and gave her a peck on the cheek.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a sweet and tender moment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It was also the moment that Jemma swung open the closet door.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wow. Okay.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know how this looks,” Jane started. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah, it looks like you got canoodling with your intern in a storage closet.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Canoodling!” Darcy said indignantly. “We were hardly canoodling. If anything, we were embracing.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jane didn’t have enough shame not to laugh.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>december 31st, twenty minutes to midnight</b>
</p><p>“Jesus wept on the cross.” Bruce took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“I have seen war. I have seen strife. I have seen things that would make your God tremble, and I have stood fast. But that thing,” Thor choked back tears, “that thing scares me.” </p><p>“Y’all are a bunch of babies.” Darcy sighed, striding into the kitchen. “What is it now? Is there a spider in the sink again? Do you need help killing a spider? Is that it? Does the Odinson need help killing an itsy bitsy <em>oh my sweet fuck. </em>” </p><p>“What?” Clint said. He was perched on the refrigerator, nursing a beer and a box of Hot Pockets™. This, in and of itself, was not scary. What was scary was his <em>outfit.  </em></p><p>Darcy was so baffled by the sleeveless <em> Dog Cops </em>crop-top (try saying that five times fast) that it took her a full twelve seconds to notice that he was also wearing purple crocs. And a cowboy hat. </p><p>“Oh, hawkguy.” Darcy shook her head. “I have so, so many questions.”</p><p>“Shoot,” he said. Or at least it <em> sounded </em>like “shoot.” Clint had unhinged his jaw like a snake in order to fit an entire Hot Pocket™ into his dread maw and was now talking through mouthfuls of cheese and pepperoni. </p><p>“I can’t.” Bruce threw up his hands and walked out of the kitchen. “I just can’t. Clint, I love you, but I just don’t need this stress in my life right now. I’ll see you guys next year, I’m going to bed.” </p><p>Clint smiled his stupid, loveable smile. “Love you too, Banner. See ya on the flip side.” </p><p>Thor, feeling his age, poured himself a drink. “I truly do not understand how Matthew allowed you to leave your home dressed like...that.” </p><p>“Well,” Darcy said thoughtfully, “Maybe he didn’t actually <em>see </em>Clint’s outfit. On account of him being blind.” </p><p>“He didn’t see me, but he knew.” Clint leaned forward conspiratorially, which was quite a feat considering he was still crouched on top of the fridge. “He heard the crocs slapping on the floor.”  </p><p>“I’m not drunk enough for this. Not nearly drunk enough for this.” </p><p>“That’s the spirit, Darce. It’s New Year’s Eve, we’re supposed to be celebrating. Think of all the awesome stuff that happened this year!”</p><p>“Such as?”</p><p>“We stopped the planet from getting eaten by that planet-eating dude. And remember the time-travel? That was fun. And Peter made some nice spider friends.” Clint paused, brow wrinkled in thought. Then, his face brightened. “And I’m pretty sure no one died this year.”</p><p>“Not true.” Thor piped up. “Loki died. Twice.” </p><p>“That doesn’t count. He got better. Unfortunately. Anyways, like I was saying, we’ve had a pretty good year, all things considered. Steve grew a beard. I got a new dog. Jane won the Nobel prize. Which reminds me, Darcy,” Clint said, “Tell your girlfriend I said congrats.”</p><p>“What do you mean? Jane is not my girlfriend! Why do people think that she’s my girlfriend? She is <em> not </em>my girlfriend.”</p><p>“Huh. Really?”</p><p>“<em>Really </em>.”</p><p>“Oh. Well, she should be.” </p><p>Darcy shot Clint a look so nasty that it caused him to drop his Hot Pocket™ onto the kitchen floor. </p><p>“Aw, pizza, no.” He said sadly. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>three months earlier</b>
</p><p>
  <em> They were sitting on Darcy's bed when it happened. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The Betrayal.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Darcy slammed her bowl down so hard that bits of popcorn went flying across the room. Jane rolled her eyes and continued flipping through the channels. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "You come into my house-" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Technically, it's Tony's house. He just lets us live here."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "You come into my subsection of Tony's house, and you change the channel while I'm watching the greatest show of all time?! Have you no shame?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Another eye roll. "I would hardly call Star Trek: Deep Space Nine the greatest show of all time." Jane began absently picking popcorn kernels up off the blankets. "You're going to hate me for this, but I don't think it's even the greatest Trek of all time."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Dr. Foster,'' Darcy said in as calm a voice as she could muster, "You have made a very grave mistake."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "What? It's true. I've always thought that the Original Series was better by a country mile. And I'll stand by that."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> If Darcy's jaw was not affixed to her mouth vis-a-vis various bones and ligaments, it would have dropped to the floor.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I am astonished. Flabberghasted. Completely shooketh, not to mention gobsmacked." She lifted her hands to the sky, shaking her fists in righteous anger. "Why, God, Why? Why have you forsaken me like this? Why have you saddled me with a bestie who is an utter cretin?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Dramatic much?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "This is your last chance, amiga. Hand over the remote or I'll have to take it by force."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jane scoffed. "I'd like to see you try."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Darcy needed no further encouragement. She pounced on top of Jane, grabbing her by the shoulders and pinning her to the bed. But Darcy had forgotten that her bestie could fight dirty when she wanted to. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Squinting up at the ceiling, Jane murmured, "Did you always have the word 'gullible' spray-painted up there?"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Huh?" Darcy darted her eyes up towards the ceiling.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> A fatal mistake.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Within seconds, Jane was on top of her, one hand gripping Darcy's waist, the other hand holding the remote control just out of reach.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I believe," Darcy wheezed, "we may be able to some kind of agreement." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I'm all ears."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I'm pretty sure that The Next Generation is on Netflix. Wanna get your Picard on?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jane grinned. "Make it so."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>december 31st , thirteen minutes to midnight</b>
</p><p>"What did you expect?" Sam smacked the ping pong ball so hard Darcy was mildly surprised that he didn't dislocate his arm. "You act like a couple, so people think that you're a couple. It's not that complicated."</p><p>Darcy folded her arms. She came down here to commiserate (okay fine, she came down here to complain), and now she was getting called out. </p><p>"We don't act like a couple. We act like normal adult friends who respect and care for each other." </p><p>Nat shot her a sceptical look and swatted the ball over the net with ease. "Could've fooled me. And that's saying something." </p><p>"What exactly is it that I do that makes everyone and their mother assume that I'm screwing my boss?"</p><p>"For starters? Your hips face her when you're talking. You find little ways to touch her, all the time. You mirror her movements. Your breathing gets quicker when you're around her." Nat smirked. "But I could be wrong. It's not like I was relentlessly trained to notice minute patterns in human behaviour or anything like that."</p><p>"She's just trying to show off," Sam said, diving and barely missing the ball, "it doesn't take a super-spy to see that there's something going on between the two of you. Jane talks about you all the time. And you talk about Jane all the time. It's annoying, actually. Kind of cute, not gonna lie. But mostly annoying." </p><p>Darcy sighed and walked across the room to retrieve the errant ping pong ball. "This must make me a front-runner for Time Magazine's Jackass of the Year." She tossed the ball over to the ping pong table. "So, to clarify, there's been a billion little signs that Jane's been into me this whole time and I didn't notice at all?" </p><p>Nat smiled, swatting the ball without even looking. "Maybe not a <em> billion </em>little signs. More like twelve." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>one month earlier</b>
</p><p>
  <em> "And then I was like, 'Oh look, there's mew mew!' and then I was like, 'Oh shit, the world's ending!'. But obviously, it didn't actually end, because, you know we're still here." said Darcy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "doot doot doot doot," said Darcy's phone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Uh," said the terrified physics major who absolutely did not want to be hearing about Darcy's various brushes with death, but was raised better than to run screaming in the middle of a conversation.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Would you look at that, it's three-thirty already. Well, looks like I gotta blast, dude. Scientist feeding time. You know how it is." Without waiting for the bewildered co-ed's response, Darcy silenced her phone alarm and headed in the direction of Jane's office.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Darcy peeked her head through the door. “Hey, girlie. I brought your favourite.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Strawberry pop tarts?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Your other favourite. Think fast.” Darcy tossed the sandwich - grilled cheese with tomato - across the room, only to see it bonk Jane right on the head.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oops?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No ‘oops’ necessary, Darce. Looks like the sandwich is mostly intact.” Jane sighed and started to rub her temples. “Wish I could say the same for myself.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Rough day?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You have no idea. This afternoon I had to lecture on how to use a microscope. Don’t they teach that kind of thing in, I don’t know, third grade?” She began unwrapping her sandwich, fumbling with the tin foil. “Who wraps a sandwich this tightly? Are they worried about people stealing the tomato slices? Seriously, it’s a grilled cheese, not Fort freaking Knox!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Janie,” Darcy said. “Breathe. Please.” </em>
</p><p><em> “I’m sorry, D. It’s just been...tough. I’ll be so goddamn relieved when the semester is over.” </em> </p><p>
  <em> Darcy bit her lip. “You know what? I think that I have just the thing.” She crossed the room, trying her hardest not to step on any of the science-y equipment that littered the floor of Jane’s office. “I’m not a professional or anything, so tell me if I start to hurt you.” Careful not to press too hard, Darcy began to massage the taut muscles of Jane’s shoulders. First softly, then with a little more pressure. Gently kneading until she could feel the knots dissipate beneath her fingers.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Can you go up a little bit higher? It’s really tight up there.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You got it, dude.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jane leaned back into her chair and sighed again, this time not with frustration but with contentment. “Oh Darcy,” she said. “Where would I be without you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> All of a sudden Darcy felt herself becoming flustered. She tried to keep her hands steady, hoping that Jane wouldn’t notice. “Well,” she said carefully, “That’s what friends do for each other, right?” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>december 31, seven minutes to midnight</b>
</p><p>Darcy was sprawled out on the couch, basking in the molten clusterfuck disaster that was Stephen and Wanda doing karaoke together.</p><p><em> He’s got a nice voice, </em> Darcy thought<em>, I’ll give him that. But singing “People Are Strange” is a bit on the nose. How the hell did he rope Wanda into this?  </em></p><p>HE DOESN’T HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS. AND BESIDES, WITCHES STICK TOGETHER. </p><p><em> Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck</em>, Darcy’s brain screamed. </p><p>“Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck,” Darcy’s mouth whispered. She darted her eyes around the room, and then in a low voice, said, “Is this the voice of God? Am I like, the new Joan of Arc?”</p><p>IT’S NOT THE VOICE OF GOD, DARCY. IT’S THE VOICE OF WANDA. </p><p>
  <em> Oh.  </em>
</p><p>OH.</p><p>
  <em> Is there a reason that you’re slumming it in my psyche, Miss Maximoff? I’m sure Avengers Tower has more interesting brains to pick. </em>
</p><p>YOU SEEMED STRESSED OUT. I WANTED TO CHECK IN. </p><p>
  <em> Wanda, you’re a sweetie, but there are other ways to show your concern, you know.  </em>
</p><p>SORRY. SOMETIMES I FORGET ABOUT…</p><p>
  <em> Boundaries?  </em>
</p><p>RIGHT. IS IT OKAY IF I STAY HERE? OR DO YOU WANT ME TO GET OUT?</p><p>
  <em> Sure. Just keep out of my high school memories. For both of our sakes. </em>
</p><p>GOT IT.</p><p>
  <em> It’s impressive that you can do this and sing at the same time.  </em>
</p><p>IT’S OF LIKE A REFLEX AT THIS POINT. </p><p>
  <em> Reading people’s minds or carrying Stephen through marathon karaoke sessions?  </em>
</p><p>YES. </p><p>
  <em> Funny.  </em>
</p><p>THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE SAY. HAVE YOU SEEN JANE AT ALL TONIGHT?</p><p>
  <em> Oh, not you too!  </em>
</p><p>WHAT?</p><p>
  <em> Half the team thinks that me and Jane are hooking up. And the other half thinks that we should hook up at some point. And the other half thinks that we hooked up but are not currently hooking up. None of which is true! </em>
</p><p>THAT’S THREE HALVES. </p><p>
  <em> I thought you were a witch, not a mathematician. </em>
</p><p>I THOUGHT YOU WERE AN INTERN, NOT A COMEDIAN. HONESTLY, DARCY, YOU SHOULD STOP AVOIDING JANE AND GO TALK TO HER. </p><p>
  <em> Why? So that we can commiserate over the fact that everyone thinks we’re having a secret love affair?  </em>
</p><p>BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER, AND YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS LIKE A NORMAL ADULT WOMAN. </p><p>
  <em>What do you mean I like her? Did Vision tell you all that stuff I said in the elevator? How could someone with no lips be such a blabbermouth?!</em>
</p><p>YOU MAY RECALL THAT I CAN READ MINDS. </p><p>
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p>OH.</p><p>
  <em>Okay, fine. Maybe I have a teensy little crush on Jane. </em>
</p><p>RIGHT. TEENSY. MAYBE EVEN EENSY. </p><p>
  <em>But I don’t even know if she likes me back! </em>
</p><p>ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>december 31, three minutes to midnight</b>
</p><p>“The sky is so lovely tonight,” Jane said without turning around. She was leaning her elbows on the balcony, wind whipping her hair as she gazed up at the stars.</p><p>“ ‘Lovely’ is one way to put it. ‘Brimming with millions of potentially hostile aliens is another way.” Darcy gave a small smile. “But it is pretty.” </p><p>“I would’ve thought you’d be inside, tearing up the dance floor with Tony. What brings you to my humble terrace?”</p><p>“JARVIS, mostly,” said Darcy, earning a snort from Jane. “No, seriously. I wanted to go hang out in the pool. He brought me here instead.”</p><p>“Probably trying to get us together. Like everyone else in the building.” </p><p>Darcy breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God you brought it up. I wanted to bring it up, because I thought, y’know, time to put on my big girl panties and <em> communicate my feelings </em>or whatever, but I knew it was going to be awkward, and I didn’t want to make things awkward, so I was kind of just waiting for you to bring it up, not waiting that long obviously but -”</p><p>And then Jane’s lips were on her lips. <em> There’s a word for that, </em> Darcy thought. <em> Lips on lips. Jane’s lips, on my lips. Soft. And warm. What’s the word? Oh! Right. Kissing. Jane is kissing me right now.  </em></p><p>“You were rambling. As per the usual. I needed a nice way to get to stop talking.” Jane’s lips quirked up, hinting at a smile. Her lipstick was smudged just a bit, and her cheeks were flushed, not just from the December cold. Darcy decided it was a good look on her. </p><p>“Well, it was definitely nice, I’ll give you that,” Darcy said. “So...does this mean that I should talk more? Because you are really good at the smooching, and I think I’d like you to shut me up more often.”</p><p>Another snort. “I don’t think it’s humanly possible for you to talk more.” Jane leaned in, then pulled back. “Wait. Don’t you think we should...I don’t know, talk about this? About our...relationship? If it even is a relationship?”</p><p>“Listen, Janie. I’ve been talking about our relationship all night. The Mature Adult Conversations can wait until next year, okay?” She cocked her head to the side, then bit her lip. “There is one thing I’d like to do, though.”</p><p>“And what would that be, Miss Lewis?”</p><p>“Oh, it’s a bit complicated. I’d have to give you a physical demonstration,” Darcy said, and pulled Jane in for a kiss. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>midnight</b>
</p><p>As the fireworks explode above them, Darcy feels herself melting into Jane’s embrace. Resistance is futile. Trying to pull away would be like trying to crawl out of a black hole. So Darcy gives in, lets herself drown in the softness and the warmth and the desperation of this kiss. Oh, yes. She understood now. The woman was like a cosmos unto herself: all-consuming, inescapable, and beautiful. And Darcy couldn’t wait to explore every last constellation. </p><p>
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